Church Hurt Didn’t Turn Me Away from God… It Turned Me Away from Poor Leadership 🙅🏾‍♂️⛪

Let’s make something clear.

I didn’t lose faith.
I lost tolerance.

I didn’t walk away from God.
I walked away from people who used His name like a microphone. 🎤

And I refuse to let anyone confuse the two.

What Many Call “Backsliding” Is Often Trauma Recovery 🧠

In therapy, we call it spiritual or religious trauma — psychological and emotional harm caused by leaders who use God as:

• A weapon for control
• A threat for obedience
• A tool for manipulation

That is not discipleship.
That is domination.

When someone steps away from that kind of environment, the church may call it rebellion.
Clinically, it is self-protection.

Narcissistic Leadership Is Not Spiritual Authority 🪞

Some leaders don’t want followers of Christ.
They want reflections of themselves.

They call it unity, but they really mean agreement.
They call it honor, but they really mean submission.
They say “touch not my anointed,” because accountability scares them.

They preach louder when they feel exposed.
But God does not yell to be heard. Narcissists do.

Healing Means Separating God From God’s Representatives 🕊️

This is where religious trauma recovery truly begins:

Learning the difference between God’s voice and people’s opinions spoken louder.

People pressure.
God invites.
People demand performance.
God makes room for presence.

Quick Rule: If Grace Feels Heavy, It Is Not Grace 🚫

Let’s simplify it.

If grace doesn’t feel like rest, it is not grace. It is branding.

Grace should calm the body, not trigger anxiety.
Peace should feel safe, not monitored.
Conviction may hurt, but it should never humiliate.

I Didn’t Leave God… I Left Control 🙌🏾

I still believe in prayer.
I still worship.
I still love God deeply.

But I also believe in:

• Therapy
• Boundaries
• Naming harm honestly

If You’re Deconstructing, You’re Not Faithless… You’re Healing ❤️‍🩹

Leaving toxicity is not leaving God.
Asking questions is not rebellion.
Protecting your peace is not pride.

It is reclamation.
It is detoxing from spiritual exhaustion.
It is choosing honesty with God over performance for people.

I didn’t abandon the church. I abandoned control.
God is still here. Quiet. Kind. Nothing like them.

🎙️ Want to go deeper? I unpack topics like this on my podcast.
Listen to Mr. Randolph Speaks here → Spotify/Apple Podcast ✨