Loading
Nasir I. Randolph, LCSWA

Trauma-Informed Therapist

Podcast Host

Published Author

Clinical Social Work

Nasir I. Randolph, LCSWA

Trauma-Informed Therapist

Podcast Host

Published Author

Clinical Social Work

Blog Post

I’m Not Overreacting… I’m Overaccommodating 🙅🏾‍♂️🧘🏾‍♀️

I’m Not Overreacting… I’m Overaccommodating 🙅🏾‍♂️🧘🏾‍♀️

I’m Not Overreacting… I’m Overaccommodating 🙅🏾‍♂️🧘🏾‍♀️

It is funny how people only start calling you “dramatic,” “sensitive,” or “doing too much” once you finally set boundaries.

They had no complaints when you were quiet, tolerant, and emotionally available on demand.
They loved you when you were a therapist, peacekeeper, fixer, human buffer, and emotional sponge all in one.

But the second you tell someone:

  • “I do not like that.”
  • “I actually need space.”
  • “This no longer feels good to me.”

They act like you committed a crime.

Let’s Be Honest… You Weren’t Overreacting. You Were Overfunctioning.

Most of us did not suddenly become “difficult.”
We just stopped overaccommodating.

We used to:

✅ Apologize just to end conflict
✅ Rephrase truths to protect feelings
✅ Accept disrespect because “it wasn’t that deep”
✅ Stay silent to keep the peace

But silence is not peace.
It is just internal conflict with a polite face.

When You Neutralize Yourself to Be Loved, That Is Not Love… It Is Containment

Being easy to deal with is not always a compliment.
Sometimes it just means people have gotten comfortable with your suppression.

Because as long as you:

  • Say yes
  • Avoid confrontation
  • Laugh things off
  • Never make anyone uncomfortable

…you become convenient, not respected.

The Moment You Require Peace and Respect, Things Get Real Quiet

Here is the truth:

Healthy people adjust. Entitled people get offended.

So when you set boundaries:

  • Some will listen
  • Some will apologize
  • Some will clarify
  • And others will get distant or dismissive

Not because you were rude.
But because their access got restricted.

You’re Not “Too Much”… You Were Just Too Silent for Too Long

I used to think:

  • “Maybe I am tripping.”
  • “Maybe it is not that deep.”
  • “Maybe I should let it go.”

But now I realize:

I did not suddenly start overreacting.
I just stopped underspeaking.

And that is growth.

Final Reminder: Boundaries Are Not Walls — They Are Bridges Back to Yourself

You are allowed to:

  • Stop making yourself smaller so others feel bigger
  • Stop pretending things do not hurt when they do
  • Stop absorbing discomfort just to keep everyone else comfortable

But let’s also be real… healing from overaccommodation comes with grief.

You might feel:

  • Guilty for choosing yourself
  • Lonely when people pull back
  • Confused when your “love” starts to feel like loss
  • Unsure if you are doing the right thing

Here is your reassurance:

If peace feels unfamiliar, it is not because it is wrong, it is because it is new.

When you stop overextending, you may feel selfish.
You are not.
You are simply meeting yourself for the first time without performance.

A Heart for Those in Transition ❤️‍🩹

If you are currently in that awkward space between “who I used to be” and “who I am becoming,” know this:

  • You are not abandoning people… you are ending your abandonment of yourself
  • You are not difficult … you are defining your dignity
  • You are not breaking relationships… you are revealing which ones were one-sided

Some people will stay.
Some will adjust.
Some will disappear.

And all three answers are clarity, not failure.

🎙️ Want to go deeper? I unpack topics like this on my podcast.
Listen to Mr. Randolph Speaks here → Spotify/Apple Podcast

Write a comment